My Edible DC Experience...

I was in DC these past couple of days for a surgical conference and as interesting as it all was, and as nerve wracking as the presentations were, and as fun as it was to go from exhibit to exhibit checking out the latest laparoscopic toys and scoring free pens, mugs and t-shirts... my favorite part was the food...

Not at the conference, of course...

In DC.


Seeing as my department was paying for my trip and meals (and being a poor post-grad/non-resident who still takes public transportation and packs her lunch everyday), I was more than happy to indulge in an extravagant meal or two.

The first night we went to a Brazilian steakhouse, Fogo de Chao, on Pennsylvania Ave. I'd been to several Brazilian steakhouses before, including another Fogo in Atlanta, but many of our team were newbies to the restaurant where red means stop and green means go go gooo! For those of you who have never been to a Brazilian steakhouse before, the concept is simple. There is a small coaster looking item on the table for each person, and on one side it's red, and on the other, its green. When you place it red side up, it means that you're full or still working on your plate and so the servers will keep walking by. But when it's green side up, the servers suddenly emerge out of the woodwork with several different cuts of steaks, lambs, porks, chicken, sausages and more... over 15 kinds of meat on skewers that you can eat until you are gasping for air. My favorite meat is lamb and I think I may have single handedly eaten a whole rack. Even the salad bar is stocked with over 80 irresistable items, and it is a novice mistake to fill up on just that. We ordered some wine (in moderation), and a few deserts in the end... and in the end rolled out of the restaurant. We actually had high hopes of hitting a bar afterwards, but we were all so full and high on food, that we decided to call it a night and part ways to our hotels. I'm kinda glad we did... I was dreaming of a bed before my head even hit the pillow that night.

The second day we went to Legal Seafood by Chinatown for lunch and it was by far the best lunch I'd had in a looooooong time. Dozens of raw oysters, clams on a halfshell, shrimp cocktail, stone crabs, crab cakes, mussels, scallops with caramelized bacon (I didn't know you could make bacon better), seaweed salad, lobster rolls... omg... I think we had half of the Atlantic on our table... I'm still dreaming about the mussels (and caramelized bacon)! It wasn't prepared all fancy or plated with flare... it was plain and simple, but fresh and top quality seafood that only the best seafood restaurants can offer.

After we worked the crustaceous calories off in the convention, we gathered for a reception and dinner at Zaytinya, a Mediterranean dream only a few blocks away from the Washington Convention Center. After a few pomogranate sangrias from the open bar, we sat down for a delicious eleven course dinner:

Appetizers included:
1) Maroulosalata, a shredded romaine and dill salad with mizithra cheese and a red wine vinegarette.
2)Tzatziki, a tangy yogurt with diced cucumbers and dill. Served with puffed pita.
3) Hommus, a classic Mediterranean puree of chickpeas, garlic and tahini.

Next round was:
4) Falafel, traditional chickpea fritters with tahini sauce.
5) Salmon, perfectly baked, pink in center, with spicy eggplannt and cracked green olive saltsa.
6) Garides Me Anitho, sauteed shrimp in a buttery sauce of dill, shallots, mustard and lemon juice. (This was my favorite dish!)

The main courses: 
7) Piyaz, warm giant beans with kale, and oven roasted tomato and garlic.
8) Shish Taouk, grilled chicken, sumac onions, grilled tomatoes, and a delicious garlic tuom. (I wanted to eat the whole bowl of garlic tuom it was so good, but lucky for everyone around me, I refrained.)
9) Crispy Skirt Steak, pickled radish, onion seed, yogurt, with a green chile zhoug sauce.

Desserts were:
10) Turkish Coffee Chocolate, a warm chocolate cake with bittersween chocolate flan and a cardamom espuma finished with espresso syrup.
11) Turkish Delight, walnut ice cream, yogurt mousse, drizzled with orange-caramel sauce and caramelized pine-nuts, plated with honey gelee.

I highly recommend any of these places, and my only wish was that I could have stayed in DC another day. I had an evening to see the memorials and monuments too, but man... if I could eat my way through the country...



Yummy!


...

Unwanted

My friend has described the residency application process like this:

"I feel like a fat girl at prom"





...

What starts with F and ends with UCK...

... firetruck.


My application for food stamps was denied. It was because I didn't turn in any 'proof of residence' so they didn't have a home address for me. I got my rejection notification in the mail. <smacks forehead>

I swear I'm losing a battle to a nation of retards. Mediocrity has become the standard, and all the people that are bringing down the curve should have been thrown in the ocean at birth.

Just my opinion.

...


My computer at work crashed today. My hard drive with all my documents, research forms, data spreadsheets, thousands of patients' logged information, and even more thousands of hours worth of analyzed data and written manuscripts ready for publication submission wiped out...

At 4:47pm.

Thirteen firetrucking minutes before it was time to go home.

I was there til almost 7pm with IT trying to recover what I could.


...


And finally, what do I come home to?

A dead fish.

My fire engine red beta Brad has kicked the bucket.


...


Is it the weekend yet?







RIP Brad
...

Another romantic casualty...

Come visit me in New York baby... I miss you...

Confess, your kiss still knocks me off my legs.
The first time I saw you was like a punch right through my chest
and I will forever, 'cause you'll forever be
my one true broken heart, pieces inside of me and you'll forever, my baby be.

Well, a weekend in New York... that would be nice.
I need to tell you something. I met someone in Paris and I've moved in with her. I've found some work as a real estate agent in a nice neighborhood and it sounds promising. It's a good situation I have here and I need to take advantage of it.

You will rest your head, your strength once saving.
And when you wake you will fly away,
holding tight to the legs of all your angels.
Goodbye my love, into your blue, blue eyes,
your blue, blue world, you're my baby blue.

This girl is nice, but she's not you. I like her, but I'm not crazy in love...

Confess I'm not quite ready to be left.
Still, I know I gave my level best.
You give, you give, to this I can attest
You made me, you made me.
You and me forever, baby.

I still feel the same way about you, and I'm sure that one day we will be together again, but right now I need to focus on the opportunity I have here now. I need to make lots of money and get as much experience as I can if I want to become rich and take you around the world on our future boat. :)

You will rest your head, your strength once saving.
And when you wake you will fly away,
holding tight to the legs of all your angels.
Goodbye my love, into your blue, blue eyes,
in your blue, blue world, you and me forever.

I will try to call you later this week. I miss you.

You will rest your head, your strength once saving.
And when you wake you will fly away,
holding tight to the legs of all your angels.
Goodbye my love, into your blue, blue eyes,
in your blue, blue world, you and me forever.

xoxo



...

spiraling...

I'm falling down again... and I'm not even trying to brace my fall.
Instead, I'm filling my voids with alcohol and sex.
When I get full or nauseous, I purge...
Then do it all over again.





...

You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals...

I've been kinda agitated the last few days.

My residency applications went out on the first, and I've got nothing by rejections so far. Even my own hospital hasn't extended me a courtesy interview. The thought of not securing a residency a second year in a row makes me feel kinda panicked... makes me want to drink...

My phone has been on the fritz since I got back from camping. It's not charging properly and its dying within three hours... I've had it plugged in all day, and it never charged further than 40%. I stopped by the Verizon store to get it checked it out and they told me that they would have to test it for at least 2-4 hours which I just don't have time for today. Thennn... after I got home, I realized that I left the $40 charger that I just bought two weeks ago there. <smacks forehead>

I've been having a hard time concentrating at work... as much as I actually like doing the research, it's just the last place I want to be lately. The IRB office is being a royal nit-picky pain in my ass and since we've lost the medical student cavalry, we're having to do all the data mining for our thousands of patients ourselves... which makes me fall asleep, want to gouge my eyes out... and drink.

I'm getting antsy about starting the egg donation process. I'm already fudging the dates a little about the last shot of depo, but the recipients want to start the cycle in November so that they can retrieve the eggs in December, but before I can start, I need to get all the proper blood work and hormone testing done. Problem is, I haven't even gotten my period back yet.

I'm trying really hard to not revert back to leading E (and myself, for that matter) on... I'm not ready for a serious commitment, but I confess... I've been in need of company...  I've cut off K because he's started irritating me again, I just found out that my Jewish boy got herpes and is also having sex with other men (greeeaaattt... no), J is fun but just too far away in Bklyn... but all I want to do is shake off this funk I've been in with a nice dinner, lots of wine, and lots and lots of rough angry animal sex... and then more wine.

My room is a disaster. I have no floor anymore, just a never ending pattern of dispensed clothing all over the ground, the bed, the chair... I haven't let it get this bad since college, and it kinda makes me angry for an unknown reason. But I can't seem to find the motivation to clean it. I thought about it when I got home today, then instead, went to the kitchen, cracked open a beer and started watching Top Chef while blogging...

My roommate and I polished off several drinks and several bottles of wine yesterday with friends. I woke up miserably hungover this morning, and yet, all I want to do right now is start drinking again... ughh.... someone please come have hot animal sex with me.

Haha... <sighhh>



...

Camping and catching up...

I needed this weekend.

A break from work.
A break from emails.
A break from text messages (or stressing over a lack thereof..)
A break from life...

I went camping out in the Catskills with N and his family, and it was so much fun. They go every year, and N invited me last year when we were kinda fooling around, and when that stopped, despite our ongoing friendship, I was sure that that would be the first and last, but two weeks ago, he invited me along again, and I was so glad he did.

He had been studying for his boards for the last three months or so, so I really hadn't had a chance to see him very much lately. Plus, he was dating someone semi-seriously, and relationships take up a lot of time, so I was looking forward to hanging out with him again. He came and picked me up in his CR-V and we were off to the mountains...

During the two and a half hour drive up, we had a chance to catch up. Turns out he recently broke up with his girlfriend of almost a year, and she wasn't taking it very well. On top of that, he was already talking to another girl who had just moved into the area... we laughed it off, cause that's what we do, and just then, Taio Cruz's 'Break Ya Heart' came on the radio.

"This is our song" I said semi-jokingly.
"I guess it is." He replied.

But he was upset about the break up too. He said that the reason was because he didn't see it going anywhere. She didn't give him any reason to want to spend the rest of his life with just her. And to many of you, this may sound very callous and harsh, but I agree with him. Why continue to invest time and emotions into a relationship that you don't see working out? It's not that he didn't try, he did, he gave her a chance and explored the potential of a marriage... but he just didn't feel it. He didn't see the white picket fence with her in the future. But while he felt this way, he could tell that she was getting more and more attached. So he broke up with her... not with the intention of breaking her heart, but because he knew it would be easier to do it now, than to do it later. He didn't want to lead her on, he didn't want to be a bad guy... but that's just the way it turned out..

And it made me re-evaluate my situation with E. He's so afraid of getting hurt, and as much as I want to deny it, I'll hurt him. I know I will. Because if I don't love him now, I never will. And that's the way I've always been. The people that I love, I know from the beginning. Love at first sight, if you will... and if I have any initial reservations, whether it's a week, month, year or three years later, they prove to be the end of it. I'm being purely selfish. I enjoy the game and want what I can't have. The fact that I liked him, and he wouldn't let me have him, turned it into an exciting game for me, but now I realize that I don't really want to be his girlfriend... I was giving into my own loneliness and in my selfishness, was stringing him along. I'm resolving now, to leave him alone. It would be nothing but bad news for both of us if I gave into my own games.

N is seeing this other girl already, but that's how he is... like me. He floats from one to another in succession because like anyone out there, no one wants to be alone. It's so hard finding your soulmate that why would you punish yourself to be alone for all the years until you find them? The only rule that we both play by, is that it is ok to hang out/ go out/ sleep with other people as long as both parties are on the same page. That each knows where the other stands, and neither is more emotionally invested than the other. The moment emotions get involved, it's time to cut lose and move on. Not to leave a trail of broken hearts, but to prevent it.

And if you're curious about our weekend, nothing happened. There were no reignition of sparks, no innuendos, no flirty foreplay in the tents... it was as friends. Good friends. Friends that have not only known eachother for over a year, but someone who gets you and won't judge you, because they're just like you. We went hiking, roasted marshmellows, made fun of eachother, and at the end of the day, passed out in our own respective sleeping bags.




And that's the way it should be...

.. because we've always been on the same page.



..

Fear of Love

You're afraid of getting hurt.
I'm afraid to hurt others.
There's a reason people like us stay single.

But love is the one emotion that we have no control over.
Love has no guarantees.

But you demand certainty.
You want a promise that I cannot give
because I don't know if I can keep.

You refuse to budge until you're sure
and then you want to leap
praying that I'll catch you.

I prefer to take little steps
with one foot out the door
in case you try to hurt me first.

We're both so wrong.



...

A new chapter for them, the end of a long one for me...

I had another wedding this past weekend. A friend of a friend was getting hitched, so I got to tag along as a date. It was a simple city hall wedding, but lots of thier friends and family flew in for the dinner and reception afterwards which was being built up as the biggest party in Brooklyn.

These friends are all in the bar and restaurant industry. Some are wine and liquor distributors, others are bar owners and managers, and others are bartenders and waiters... so the party had all the elements that make for a successfully good time, all purchased at cost.

I had a great time meeting everyone and dancing like a fool, and eating and drinking at the open bar... but as the night progressed and the parents and children began to leave, and as the tipsy began to become drunk, the party started to take a turn...

I'm not a novice, and I knew that there would be the predictable amount of drugs on the scene, but I could almost pin point the moment that I noticed the guests were no longer partying for fun, and instead partying to keep on partying. This is a familiar scene from my past. My crazy college years, my experiences in the bar culture, and I've seen the highs, I've felt the lows, I've seen some of my closest friends and loved ones destroy their careers, lives, relationships and health due to drugs, and this is a lifestyle that I keep myself very distant from now.

I don't judge. I don't preach. I don't partake in the hypocrisy of 'do as I say and not as I did'. But before the clock struck twelve, I found my date and explained that I had to go. I told him to stay and have a fun time, it was his boy's wedding, but I just was no longer comfortable there. He understood. We exchanged kisses and goodbyes, and I left.

I left the wedding, I left the party, I left the drugs.
I never looked back.
I never even wanted to.




It's been a long road. But its over now. I've never been more relieved.



...

Break your heart...

E: "You think you and I could work?"


Now listen to me baby
Before I love and leave you
They call me heart breaker
I don't wanna deceive you

Me: "I think I'm not afraid. You're the first guy that I've really liked since moving to NYC. I don't enter relationships lightly. I know that a relationship with me is not easy. I can be distant, busy, and I only know where my life will take me one year at a time.. its a risk. A jump. A leap of faith... but I always hope. What else can I do?"

If you fall for me
I'm not easy to please
Imma tear you apart
Told you from the start, baby from the start.

Me: "If doesn't work out, it will be sad. But why destine something to failure before its begun? I'm not planning marriage and kids... lol, I just think if we want to take things one step at a time, we should. But one of us has to take that first step."

I'm only gonna break break ya break break ya heart.
I'm only gonna break break ya break break ya heart. 
I'm only gonna break break ya break break ya heart. 
I'm only gonna break break ya break break ya heart. 


E: "I want it all though. Kids, marriage... you wanna be in love?"

Theres not point trying to hide it
No point trying to evade it
I know I got a problem
Problem with misbehavior

Me: "I want all those things one day, of course. But I can't promise any of those things just yet."

I'm only gonna break break ya break break ya heart.
I'm only gonna break break ya break break ya heart.
I'm only gonna break break ya break break ya heart.
I'm only gonna break break ya break break ya heart.

E: "I'm afraid of falling for you."

And I know karma's gonna get me back for being so cold
Like a big bad wolf I'm born to be bad and bad to the bone
If you fall for me I'm only gonna tear you apart
Told ya from the start.

Me: "I would never intentionally hurt you. But if you feel you have to keep yourself distant, I understand. I like you, but I feel we've taken one step forward and two steps back lately... our defenses have kicked in, and we both have reasons for being the way we are. I won't make promises I can't keep, but I will always be honest with you."

I'm only gonna break break ya break break ya heart.
I'm only gonna break break ya break break ya heart.
I'm only gonna break break ya break break ya heart.
I'm only gonna break break ya break break ya heart.

E: "I miss you a lot."

Woah woah woah




...

Squeeze Me, Stomp Me, Make Me Wine!

There are two main reason's why I love New York City:

1) There's always something fun and exciting to do.
2) There are enough crazy and colorful people here that no matter how much of a fool I make of myself, nobody even bats an eye.

This weekend was no exception. My roommate and I entered the Great Urban Race, which is essentially a giant scavenger hunt around the city... in costume. Oh yes.

My roommate and I had our own mini-scavenger week the week prior to the race to find a suitable costume that would be funny, practical, comfortable, keep us cool in the heat, and maybe, if possible... a little sexy. We tried to think of a team name that would be a reflection of us... who were we? what were we good at?

We decided that out team would be 'Squeeze Me, Stomp Me, Make Me Wine" and we would dress up like Grecian Goddesses of Wine.

Who are you calling a lush?

We donned white robes, tied with gold rope and hung little bunches of plastic grapes all over. We spraypainted plastic goblets into golden chalices and adorned our hair with a wreath of golden leaves. As a final touch, we added 'Hello my name is...' badges with our characters, Chardonnay and Cabernet.

It was awesome!

So starting at noon on Saturday, we started running frantically around the city we both call home. There were twelve clues that took us from the West side to Midtown to Chelsea to the Upper East Side. We got tripped up on one of the clues but otherwise I think we hustled pretty well through the city. The only thing that really slowed us down were the subways which were running soooooo slooooowww (and the fiasco of the R train that ended up on the F line.. wtf?)

We finished the race at 3 hours and 40 minutes (there's five hours alotted total), and even though we definately didn't even come close to placing out of the 550 teams that entered the race, we had a great time and I'm damn proud of how well we did.

I mean, I fucking ran. Do you know how big that is? Epic. I hate running.
There's no reason to run unless you're being chased.


Our costumes were a big hit! I loved how so many people wanted to get photographs of us, and how everyone in Times Square were so bewildered "is there a show being filmed?" "Is this a reality stunt?" "I think there's some kind of marathon going on." and the classic "I love New York!" People who saw us coming cheered us on, and the non-participants at the places we were directed to loved that they had unwittingly stumbled across another crazy NY event.

After it was over, we drank and laughed and congradulated ourselves on not killing eachother during the race (I told her how much I hated her about 400 times that day).

This morning, I woke up with a massive hangover, and was more sore than if I had been having wild monkey sex all weekend (probably burned the same amount of calories though).

I can't wait to see if we come up on google. Haha!


...

Pop champagne...

I have a fabulous idea....

... I'm going to start an escort service.





...

Bad Tiger

…no wood for you.



News of the divorce was plastered all over AM New York this morning as I snagged a copy of the free paper in the subway on my way to work this morning. I’ve remained indifferent about the issue since it doesn’t really pertain to me, but little snippets of conversation here and there made me think…

This is not good news for Tiger.
But it is not good news for any man.
Reason being… this is not good news for women.

Let me elaborate.

One fact of life is that boys will always be boys. And by that I don’t mean that ‘all men are dogs’ or some other stereotypical accusation, because not all men are players and more importantly, women can be just as deceitful and manipulative if not more… but we that are all human and prone to temptation. Men hunger deep down inside for the same kind of social validations that women do: power, status, money and adoration… Put a man in a position to be idolized, and invariable many will falter…

This is a fact that women are aware of. This is why most women have a general distrust of any temptation in female form, be it stripper, waitress, secretary or even that hot friend that we all secretly don’t like. When Clinton cheated, ‘oh he’s the president, he’s under a lot of stress, let him have some fun’, when A-Rod hits the tabloids ‘yeah, but he’s a star Yankee and I looove his eyes..” We’ve grown to accept that monogamy is virtually nonexistent in today’s open minded and legged society. But women have a defense mechanism to all this. If we hear of the latest basketball star, or hip hop artist in the news, busted with his latest arm-candy of the week, we scoff and say ‘he’s such a player’ followed up with the much more judgemental ‘but she should have known better with him’.

The difference with Tiger is that he caught us completely off guard. He didn’t fit the mold of a cheating, lying player. He was the husband, the father, the good guy. Although he was an athlete, c’mon, he was a golf athlete… how often do you see inebriated girls with face paint, flashing their tits and throwing their panties on the green? Umm.. never. He wore polos, slacks, and sunscreen. You never saw a bad thing about him in the papers, unless it was about him missing the last putt and dropping a spot in the ranking.

Nobody saw this coming, especially women.

Because before all this, women, while still suspicious by nature, were selectively distrustful. If you came into our world, swept us off our feet, and convinced us of your love and loyalty with gifts, sweet nothings and a nightly curfew, we let our guard down and put our trust in you. Tiger a year ago, gave men a chance. He represented all the good guys of the world and gave you hope that one day a gorgeous blonde would want to marry you and have your children.

But now, that illusion is gone… womens perception of who can be trusted is shattered, and our self-doubt and relationship issues and insecurities will only increase with news like this.

And that is why this is bad news for men.

Nobody should be cheering him for making it with all those strippers and living the Entourage dream. Women are angry and men, you should be too.

 
 
...

Summer's end...

...

It's been raining all weekend.
And although it can be quite enjoyable when you're home on a Sunday with a good book and a plush couch to curl up on, it's an entirely different proposition when you live in a commuter city and need to juggle a pocketbook, umbrella and your coffee on your way to work, while dodging puddles, soggy newspapers and wet dogs.

But on my way home today, as I stepped out of the humid 68th street subway station, I stopped for a second. The air was cool. Crisp. Clean. Like the rain had washed all the stale summer heat out of it, and suddenly it felt like autumn.

Just like that.

And as I walked home, I began to think about all the boots and jackets and sweaters that I could pull out of storage. The scarves and the hats... It's the most fun part of the year to dress up and I can't wait.

When I got home, I turned off my AC and opened up the windows. I set up my dog's perch by the window and watched her sit on the sill with her nose pressed to the screen sniffing all the scents of the city outside.

I'm going to sleep with the windows open tonight... I love the autumn breeze...



...

Paintballing or Mechanical Bull...

... apparently these are my only options.


This weekend was full of plans that I didn't want to do. Obligatory birthday dinner with a friend I don't like (she's a cheap train wreck, but that's a whole 'nother story), brunch with a guy who obviously just wants to bone me (before lunch), help a friend of a friend move (I don't even like helping my immediate friends move), and go paintballing (which is usually fun, but I just got too much to do, and I'm feeling sore from my anti-gravity yoga class yesterday).

So I cancelled all my plans and was prepared to stay in and veg out all weekend, catching up on work.


***


I told myself I was going to be productive today...

I woke up this morning, and said to myself "I'm going to get lots of work done today!"
Then I proceeded to fall right back asleep. (My bed is so comfy ever since I bought that foam mattress pad, it's got sleep inducing superpowers now).

When I awoke the second time, I sleepily turned my laptop on, put in my contacts, and proceeded to watch an Angelina Jolie movie (I love her), a procrastination defense second only to the evils of Facebook... oh the hours of life lost to that site...

But sometime between now and then, I did manage to brush up on my knowledge of the cardiac system seeing as I've somehow volunteered (what little precious time I have left) on helping out with a medical summer camp geared towards East Halem middle schoolers (ugh... why, I don't know, I hate children) . And some personal studying for the last test of my boards that I have still yet to schedule...

So after a delicious meal of swedish meatballs and mesclun salad with green apples, candied walnuts and gorganzola with balsamic dressing (all homemade in this household... see, I can be domestic), I settled in to get some reading done when....

"Hey, so you punked out of paintballing tomorrow, you at least gonna come out and grab a drink tonight with us or what? Don't answer that, just be ready, we're picking you up in an hour!" *click*

Yeah, I punked out of paintballing tomorrow and now I have to do shots and they're threatening me with a mechanical bull... man, Saturdays are hard... I can't wait for Monday...




...

Take them, I'm not going to use them...

I've made a decision recently and it's purely financial in reason.

I'd decided to get off birth control. I'd been on the depo provera for about ten years now. And one of the reasons I loved it so much is that it allows me to live my life as the promiscuous female that I am, a full 30 days a month! Meaning, I don't get a monthly time out from the joys of spontaneous sex, I don't ever have to worry about a price check on a box of Tampax, and I can wear white not just after Labor Day but whenever I goddamn please.

It's great. My best non-gay guy friend S calls me a 'dude in a hot girls body' cause I'm laid back, nonemotional, and drama-free.. I tell him its because I haven't menstruated in ten years, cause if I had to deal with that every month, I'd be a pissed off hormonal basket case too.

So let's take pools to see how long it'll be before I find my inner emotional train wreck and start drunk dialing at 3 in the morning, or snap in public when my breakfast stand runs out of onion bagels, or lock myself in the womans bathroom to weep uncontrollably over why no one loves me...

....Oh dear lord, I hope not....


So why am I doing this again???

Well ladies and gentlemen, the truth is desperate times call for desperate measures.
I am currently broke, unemployed, yet working more than 40 hours a week at a job that doesn't pay me, up to my eyeballs in debt, and have had the humiliating experience of having to ask friends and family for money to scrape by the last three months. I have also recently discovered that my healthy little oocytes (eggs, for you non-medical saavy folk) are worth about $8000-10000 a pop. Apparently medical school is a big plus because it means that my offspring will most likely be smart... I neglected to mention in the application that they'll probably also become bitter, cynical and hell bent on world domination by the time they're 13, but ahh... the joys of parenthood, they'll figure that out as they go. Also, it appears that although adopting little asian babies is soooooo last year, popping them out of your coochie is not passe at all.

So with the wonders of the internet, medical technology and a little bit of moral indifference, I had signed up to become an egg donor. I set up my application, my profile, embellished my good qualities, omitted my character flaws and was notified this afternoon that there is a possible couple interested in purchasing my eggs. (Take note Ebay.. apparently you can sell body parts over the internet, just not auction style).

I have a consultation with the clinic next Friday. If all goes well, three weeks of hormones, a quick needle extraction, and ka-ching! Rent money for the next six months!

And from a medical point of view, it's safe, really... even if I change my mind years down the line and do decide to raise my own spawns, I won't have a problem, and besides, I have hundreds of eggs down there, plus the last ten years worth in inventory... I'm not planning on raising an army (not from my uterus anyways).







...

The sad truth...

Who is JP?
JP? How do you know about JP?

It doesn't matter. Who is he?
He is ... A friend. A old lover. A fling. He's a man I know from a long time back.

Are you with him?
Am I with him? <laughs sadly> No. I could never be with him. He's in Paris, before that he was in Tunisia, before that Israel, Tokyo, San Salvadore, Quebec, Antigua... before that he was in Sao Paulo.. <resigned> how could I be with someone who's never here?

Do you love him?
Mmm... <smiles> Of course. He's perfect. He's funny, he's smart, he travels, he speaks several different languages, he goes from one corner of the world to the other and manages to always fit right in. And he's gorgeous. Of course I love him.... <sighs> I love him... just like a hundred other girls in this world love him. And he loves me... just like he loves a hundred other girls... <smiles sadly>
I know I can't have him. That's why I want him.
And that's why you shouldn't worry about him.




...

From Paris with Love...

JP: I love you, and you are the girl of my dreams. Wanna get married?
Me: I've been waiting to hear you say that. I love you too baby, but it's hard to get married if we're not together.
JP: I'm coming tomorrow on the first plane. I do love you, and I do believe we are meant to be together, we'll make it happen, believe me.
Me: I believe you! I love you JP, I always have... now go to sleep you silly drunken French boy. Lol
JP: I am French, I am silly, and I am drunk! Oh baby you know me too well... ok, to sleep I go. Kisses for you baby
Me: Sweet dreams my love. We will be together soon. <3

Buzzed and bored...

It was a random Saturday, and in all honesty, I usually don't go out on the weekends. It's too crowded, prices are jacked up, the lines are ridiculous and I don't care as much for the snobby pretention like I once used to. I usually reserve my weekends for lounging around the house in my underwear, watching movies, or catching up on the never ending inbox of work that I bring home with me from the hospital everyday.. instead, I assault my liver on nights when it least expects it, like on a random Tuesday when the streets are empty and the barstools sit unclaimed...

But this is story that takes place on a Saturday.

I had been diligent in doing work all day (and now my research publications are potentially 5!) and had gone to the local Gristedes (my neighbor calls it 'Greasy Titties' and now I have to repress the urge to say that every single time) and picked up some chicken quarters for dinner with friends. This was the extent of my plans. Work, cook, eat, and stay home watching a movie... dinner was delicious (I made roasted chicken quarters in a homemade asian BBQ marinade, and noodles with veggies in a peanut sauce).

The turning point of the night was when the movie we settled on was "I hope they serve beer in hell".

Anyone who knows me, knows that I love Tucker Max. The self-proclaimed asshole and womanizer and threat to anything with wheels or legs (either 2 or 4), is the most outrageously uncensored person I've ever heard of and reading his books and blog has reduced me to tears from laughing so hard. I'm saving up some of his best insults in my mental rolodex under 'fucked up things to say to people' and just waiting for that day that someone fat, stupid, ugly (or any combination of the three) to piss me off in public. Men want to be him and woman want to fuck him. I want to do both...

But the movie was less than inspiring. I think back on some of my more interesting nights and think that we could've had Tucker Max, (and maybe his female equivalent Chelsea Handler after reading ''My Horizontal Life") in our entourage, my interesting nights would have been much more interesting and I'd probably had lost all rights to ever pursue a medical license in the US ever again... so on that note, probably a good thing that they are not real people in my life... although my version of the movie would have been a lot more entertaining.

But as an after effect of the movie, I suddenly wanted to drink.

A lot.




After stating that, I wish I could say that I'm about to write about one of the most epic nights of my life, involving midgets, hookers and a tiger in Vegas, but disappointingly, that is not the case...

It is a sad and sobering realization that after months of not bartending, and being broke and not going out, my knack for getting in and out of trouble has disappeared and my tolerance has all but left me.

The girls and I dressed up and went to our local watering hole, but four drinks in, I was buzzed and bored. Irritated by the bar full of 20-somethings, all young and cocksure, and by 2:30am, I was ready to go home.

Disappointed? Yeah, me too...



Perhaps this is a good sign. A sign of maturity, a sign of settling, a sign of growing up... but I miss my old self sometimes. She was my favorite muse... and then I realized...

She's probably only sleeping off her last hangover. She'll be back Tuesday.

Time for a change...

Hello Blogger.com,

You do not know me yet, and I do not know you, but that is exactly why I am here.. I needed a change. I hope that we will get to know each other a bit better. You seem like a very nice blog...

...the truth is, I'm leaving my other blog. I feel like I've outgrown it... It didn't do anything wrong, and we have some great memories, sharing stories at four in the morning, gushing secrets after one too many drinks, and it was there for me during some very hard times.. it was a great listener. But it's been about five years, and I feel like we've kinda grown apart. I feel like I've moved on with my life, emotionally, mentally and professionally, and it's still treating me like a teenager...

Hence, I'm ready for a grown up blog.

If you'd like to backtrack into my past without the need of a PI, my old link is spicie97.xanga.com.

But please don't make fun of my old blog, it's handling all this very well, but still sensitive. Thanks.

Sincerely,
Jia