Take them, I'm not going to use them...

I've made a decision recently and it's purely financial in reason.

I'd decided to get off birth control. I'd been on the depo provera for about ten years now. And one of the reasons I loved it so much is that it allows me to live my life as the promiscuous female that I am, a full 30 days a month! Meaning, I don't get a monthly time out from the joys of spontaneous sex, I don't ever have to worry about a price check on a box of Tampax, and I can wear white not just after Labor Day but whenever I goddamn please.

It's great. My best non-gay guy friend S calls me a 'dude in a hot girls body' cause I'm laid back, nonemotional, and drama-free.. I tell him its because I haven't menstruated in ten years, cause if I had to deal with that every month, I'd be a pissed off hormonal basket case too.

So let's take pools to see how long it'll be before I find my inner emotional train wreck and start drunk dialing at 3 in the morning, or snap in public when my breakfast stand runs out of onion bagels, or lock myself in the womans bathroom to weep uncontrollably over why no one loves me...

....Oh dear lord, I hope not....


So why am I doing this again???

Well ladies and gentlemen, the truth is desperate times call for desperate measures.
I am currently broke, unemployed, yet working more than 40 hours a week at a job that doesn't pay me, up to my eyeballs in debt, and have had the humiliating experience of having to ask friends and family for money to scrape by the last three months. I have also recently discovered that my healthy little oocytes (eggs, for you non-medical saavy folk) are worth about $8000-10000 a pop. Apparently medical school is a big plus because it means that my offspring will most likely be smart... I neglected to mention in the application that they'll probably also become bitter, cynical and hell bent on world domination by the time they're 13, but ahh... the joys of parenthood, they'll figure that out as they go. Also, it appears that although adopting little asian babies is soooooo last year, popping them out of your coochie is not passe at all.

So with the wonders of the internet, medical technology and a little bit of moral indifference, I had signed up to become an egg donor. I set up my application, my profile, embellished my good qualities, omitted my character flaws and was notified this afternoon that there is a possible couple interested in purchasing my eggs. (Take note Ebay.. apparently you can sell body parts over the internet, just not auction style).

I have a consultation with the clinic next Friday. If all goes well, three weeks of hormones, a quick needle extraction, and ka-ching! Rent money for the next six months!

And from a medical point of view, it's safe, really... even if I change my mind years down the line and do decide to raise my own spawns, I won't have a problem, and besides, I have hundreds of eggs down there, plus the last ten years worth in inventory... I'm not planning on raising an army (not from my uterus anyways).







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