When you know, you know...

I am the luckiest girl ever.

<3

My Best April Fools Day Prank Yet...

This is quite possibly one of my proudest, most ballsy, most elaborate pranks I've ever pulled.

My friends all know that I'm a total prankster at heart, and in true holiday spirit, I had the impulse to April Fool's Prank my boss... 

 

She is pretty high up the food chain as far as hospital attendings go, and generally feared by most of the students, residents, fellow attendings, and housestaff.... she is meticulous and very anal about publication submissions, making sure that each and every word is exactly what she wants it to be...

 

Sooo... while she is away on vacation with her family in Europe, my co-coordinator and I decide to submit a couple of abstracts to a conference on her behalf... and by that I mean, write up some fictional abstracts for a fictional conference sent by a fictional email address....

 

The abstracts were written in traditional scientific jargon, so when glanced over, were pretty legit looking, but when actually read, were just painfully ridiculous:

 

 ....contamination was ensured by application of 100% New York Central Park dirt...

 ....statistical analysis was performed by a blinded medical student without no clinical knowledge...

...results suggest that patients are unhappy with urinary flatus...
 ...incidence of appendicitis in pregnant females is significantly higher that rates in pregnant non-females...
...we recommend a larger study in patients pregnant with twins to be twice as sure...

 

Then, around 2pm our time (8pm her time) we submitted them from our fake email account AmJGenSurg@doctor....com and waited....

 

Sure enough, less than an hour later... she calls from overseas...

The first convo lasted only 5 seconds cause the signal cut out... but the second call immediately thereafter...

 

I wish I could post the recording, but in the off-chance that she ever finds out I've embarrassed her not just in our department, but on the internet... well.. that probably will not end well for me... so transcribed:

Accomplice: Hi Dr.X.
Dr.X: Yeah, sorry, I keep losing you. I said I can't read it very well. For some reason it gets jumbled. All I read was that we had submitted it and I had been... auth... I have to AUTHORIZE IT. Anyway, what.. what... what IS this?

<pause>
Me: It's an April Fool's prank. Happy April Fool's Day! <giggles>
Dr.X: <stunned> You are... Youuu.... arrreeee...... <searching for the right word> CRAAAZY.

<laughter>

Dr.X: You guys have nothing better to do?!? 

<more laughter>

Accomplice: We miss you Dr. X!
Dr.X: And.. No wonder you guys sound so happy there, you know...

Accomplice: Cause we were predicting that we would get an international phone call from you.
Me: And we did!
Dr.X: Wait, you were EXPECTING a phone call??? <pause, then chuckling> I hate you both! I'm never coming back. Tell that.. tell that [my last name] that I am gonna put her on vascular surgery for eleven of the twelve months. Tell her now. Tell her now.

<laughter>
Accomplice: Okay. She heard you, you're on...
Dr.X: CAN YOU HEAR ME [my last name]?!?!?

Me: I hear you. I love you Dr.X....
Dr.X: <chuckling> I'm putting you on VASCULAR SURGERY for ELEVEN MONTHS!!! Or maybe six months, and six months on my service so that I can TORTURE you.
Accomplice: <giggling>I think you should Dr.X, I think that's a great idea.

Me: Whose side are you on??
Dr.X: She's gonna be on Team IV, she not gonna know WHAT hit her! She thinks she can have her holidays, and you know, PARTIES??? she's just gonna be on Team IV, vascular surgery, Team IV, vascular surgery,Team IV, vascular surgery... <chuckles>
Me: Ohh... we miss you Dr.X Come back.
Dr.X: <laughs> Happy April Fools Day. Bye!
Us: Bye Dr.X!!!

 

pwn'd!

Match made in Heaven...

Match day is next week. For those of you who don't know what that is, it is the day that will determine the direction of the rest of a medical student's life.

Monday at noon, eastern standard time, thousands of medical students will get the incredibly impersonal email that will start with either 'Congratulations' or 'We are sorry to inform you...'

I feel fairly confident about which email I will be receiving and I am really looking forward to finally getting back on track. I have busted my ass this past year and I can't wait to finally see it all pay off...

Except...

Now I feel like a dog who's been chasing a car.
... I don't know what to do now that I've caught it.


It's been over a year since I've done anything clinical and my basic science knowledge has slowly been seeping out my skull. I'm planning on studying the month or two before the start date in July and hopefully that will get me a little back up to speed... and I can spend the month of May studying for Step 3 while K studies for his Step 1. I guess you can say that I'm a little nervous. I just don't want anyone to question 'how the fuck did this idiot get an internship here?' And my position is just a preliminary year, so next year, I'm back to the Match again to try and secure a position for the rest of my training. I have my foot in the door to the one of the greatest places in the field, but I'm only guaranteed one year to prove my worth against peers from Ivy League medical schools. Intimidating.

But I'll go on a little tangent here..  I was talking to one of my best friends A the other day about life. He works at another hospital here in the city doing exactly what I do, but gets paid for it as a career. He started medical school and halfway through decided that he didn't want to practice clinical medicine. Let me clarify that he didn't flunk out. He passed the Step 1 of his boards and 6 weeks into clinicals decided to walk away. People will always question his decision, but I can respect that he did what he felt was right. Now as he watches his peers about to finish what he started, we started talking bittersweet.


"Do you even regret leaving medicine?"
"No. I hated what I did then. I love what I do now. It just wasn't for me. But I'm glad I went."
"Why?"
"Because that's where I met my wife."

And that got me thinking.... I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. 10 years ago, I never would have thought I would be a medical school graduate. 5 years ago, I never thought I would make it into the surgical profession. 1 year ago, I never imagined I'd be working where I do. The journey to get to where I am has been an unpredictable one... and I've learned to have no expectations for where I'll be a year from now... but if there's one thing I know and am grateful for, I am definitely meant to be here now. Not only is it a boost of self-confidence, and a reviver of my morale, but maybe... just maybe.. it'll be where I met my future husband.

K is everything I ever wanted.

Third time is the charm....

<3

How Asian Fathers Should NOT Talk...

I told my parents that I was heading up to Connecticut for the weekend to visit a girlfriend at Yale.

My dad: "Yeah, have fun drinking with the brainy chicks."
Me: "Chicks, dad? Really?"

Jamaica

I have dated many men in my life... I tried to make a list the other day, and I came to the sobering realization that I don't remember all of their names (what the heck was Fuzzy Navel's name??). There are more than a few I probably couldn't pick out of a line up, and ten minutes later, I'd remember that there was yet another faceless random from that one time that I'd forgotten about, which makes me wonder how many others there are that I can't recall...


But this is not a post about my whore-ish past.

My point is that despite my numbers, there are two things that have never happened:
1) I have never dated someone younger than me.
2) I have never dated someone I deem smarter than me.


K is a medical student at my institution. He is three years younger than me.

He is also quite possibly one of the most brilliant people I've ever met. We had a random conversation the other day where I asked him, "If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?" Now, I'm thinking my ideal job to be along the lines of a 'traveling restaurant/food critic', or 'rockstar', or maybe a 'tabloid celebrity'... something that is self-serving, with it's fair share of alcohol and doesn't require too many functioning brain cells. His answer: "Astrophysicist."  I honestly don't even know what an astrophysicist does, and while I'm trying to formulate a response to that, he adds, "but there's no money in that, so I decided to do medicine instead." 

Way to settle, dude.
Don't I feel like a retard for only aspiring to be a mere doctor.

And if someone ever described a person like that to me, my ego's defense would come up with a smart ass answer like, yeah, but he's probably socially retarded and awkward. But the truth is, after having known him since April of last year, and having gone out with him and his friends to various bars and restaurants in NYC, he's equally socially awesome. His friends are all cool and well versed in everything from clubbing, to politics, to rap music, museums, drinking games, movies and even ballet. His sense of humor is so deadpan and random that he literally makes me laugh out loud in my office with a gchat comment, drawing curious looks from my quieter coworkers. He's the type of person that is down for anything, anytime, shamelessly self-depricating and narcissitic at the same time, and I imagine would easily make friends with anyone in the room while making them feel like they are the coolest person there.

And because this is me blogging... did I mention that he's better looking than more the half the men I've dated? He's a white guy with blue eyes. I didn't mention hair, because honestly he doesn't have any, but I imagine he was a blonde baby. This may be a personal preference thing, because I definitely have a taste for bald guys or at least super short hair... but he's got this cute but tough guy look going on. He's 6'0", goes to the gym regularly and has got biceps that I just want to squeeze.

Looks. Personality. Brains.
Trifecta.

So what am I to do?
Pass up the opportunity and let some other girl take his eligibility off the market?
I think not.



Looks and personality were always important to me, but the IQ factor seriously has me turned on. He has an intellectual curiosity that I've lost somewhere along the way... I'd gotten used to just being happy with knowing what I know. Learning was fine if it's self serving, but I had come to consider the world of academia a bore and chore. But to him, I can tell he enjoys it. Watching him register and analyze things on a totally different level has now got me thinking.. how does he do that and how can I?


I'm planning my moves carefully because I think this one's a keeper. We've gone out a few times already, and I've demonstrated self-restraint by not over drinking and inviting myself over. We flirt constantly via texts, gchats, and emails... but then in person at the hospital, we are purely professional with inside innuendos and it is my own episode of Gray's Anatomy. Working here has motivated me to reconsider my capacity, and I know I can do better than I have been. Mediocrity was acceptable when I was a big fish in a small pond.
Now, I wanna impress.
I don't think my pride could take it if he thought I was a dummy.

So now what?

I'm working on getting my residency secured here. In addition, I'm writing abstracts and manuscripts like mad to try and get as many publications as I can before my year of research is up. I'm flying all over the country to conferences to present my findings and also trying to squeeze in some studying for my Step 3...

And now that I've gotten his attention..

I'm taking him to Jamaica.
We've booked an impromptu vacation during his spring break and we will be eating, drinking and sunbathing for four glorious days while I seal the deal on my greatest catch to date.

Ya man...

..and more bad decisions...

I suddenly feel like a couger... or the teacher from 'The Graduate'...


I'm finding myself flirting dangerously with one of my students...

Nothing good can come from this.

Shit bags?

I work as a clinical researcher at one of the largest hospitals in the NYC area and part of my job entails going through electronic medical records to glean bits and pieces of information relevant to whatever study I am conducting at the time... The other day I came across this gem.

Shit bags? Ummm... excuse me doctor, but is that the medical term? 

Lol!